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About Me – The Mum

by on 10 August 2011

I had post-natal with both of our children and with Mason I had it REALLY bad, but I also had Ante-natal depression.
I couldn’t enjoy my pregnancy with him, and when he was born I was so messed up that I found it hard to be near him.  I FORCED myself to be near him to begin with.  😦
I lost out on so many months and I wish to whoever is floating above the clouds, that I could reclaim those months.

Although I’m broody and I have been for a while, I don’t think I could put myself through that again.  I couldn’t put my husband or my children through that either.

I was on anti-depressants when I was 16 but had come off of them within months.  Then when I had Alix I refused them and tried to deal with it on my own.

When I was pregnant with Mason, it was so bad, I’d never felt depression like it.  I decided to ask for help.  I had a Psychiatric Nurse each week and she was fantastic!  I was one of these who thought ‘They can’t help me, they’ve no idea’.  I can safely say I was wrong!  She helped me and she finally managed to convince me to take Anti-Depressants when Mason was 6 months old.  I was wary to go on them.

I came off of my tablets a couple of years ago and I wasn’t ready and I became way to sensitive to things, and I wasn’t thinking properly.  I started to push the people I love away.  I lost a great friendship through it too.

I went back on them a couple of months later and things became better for me.

Now I’m in a better state, I’m re-starting the Gym!  I lost loads last year, but I put it back on when I got the Contraceptive Implant – Implanon.  I lost 2 stone and put it all on within 2 MONTHS!  Not good!  I’m off of the damned thing after begging my doctors for 9 months to remove it!  In the end I said I would cut the bleedin’ thing out myself if they didn’t.

I’m a better mum to my children than I was when I was depressed, and I enjoy my life, I love it!  I’m not saying that being depressed makes you a bad mum, but it does affect them.  They grow up thinking it’s ‘normal’.

Think Positive!

Stop looking into the past, or you wont see what’s standing right in front of you 🙂

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